A Poke in the Eye of the Online/Multimedia Industrial Complex
Vol. 1, No. 24
[scientifically tested to take no more than 3 minutes to read, depending if we're using real writers or not]
Wooled Why'd Webb: Real Writers Need Not Apply
Recently a high-tech company looking for Web reviewers for its new service said it wanted to hire "real people" and not writers with wordsmithing experience. One 3MR reporter once worked for a tech startup in Multimedia Gulch as an editor. The lead engineer jokingly created a program that would replace her record reviews with stale, computer-generated assembly-line reviews. These stories are good for a few laughs, but when the knee-slapping stops, we're left wondering about the New World Web Order, where editors are replaced by spell-checkers and promo people write all the copy.
The first sign of trouble came when print newspapers, TV stations, and woodworking magazines decided to create adjunct sites on the Web. Usually, they hired a couple techies and had their print staffs "work a little on the side" to create content for the Web. After the Repurposing Phase burned out staffers and bored readers who bothered logging on, the media shifted its focus to "original content," saying content is king and searching for licensing deals for comic strips, link swaps with Yahoo!, and interactive forums with their buddies asking set-up questions and flames. And when Microsoft really does hire high-powered writers and editors for Slate, they scramble to get it into print, or make it look like print with page numbers on each Web page.
Editors online are now called producers, but of what? Typo-ridden text that meanders around huge graphics, with scratchy audio clips or mega-video downloads? And we wonder why so many newbies are turned off by Web content. Just wait till WebTV and network computer users get a load of the Web landfill, squinting their eyes to read text on a TV, or waiting to use a word processor on a server somewhere. Or has the public soured on professional prose purveyors altogether, opting for real people, "The Real World," and real typos?
Twisted Political Sloganeering
"Just Don't Do It" -- Bob Dole signs on with Reebok to besmirch Nike and teenage drug abusers everywhere.
"Reach Out and Hack Somebody" -- hackers bring down Internet providers with floods of email, reportedly with naked Simpsons GIF attachments.
"No Realistic Chance of Winning" -- used to keep Perot out of debates, but might backfire when debate organizers realize Dole also has no realistic chance, leaving Clinton to debate himself -- which would pull in ratings as Bill's right-wing welfare reformer argues with his left-wing environmental president, switching voices like a gray-haired, Arkansan Sybil.
Real-Life Celebrity Chat Sessions from Hell
Online chat isn't for everyone. According to an inside source at Adam Curry's The Vibe (don't ask, don't tell, don't laugh), Natalie Merchant showed up for a live chat with fans online. She was soon frustrated by the tone of the questions, which didn't fit with her pseudo-serious zeitgeist. She told the guy who was typing in her responses, "if I don't get a serious question, I'm leaving."
Just at that point, an unfortunate question came in: "do you spit or swallow?" Merchant was furious, running out of the studio, slamming the door behind her. The moderator, with all the aplomb and tact of someone working for Adam Curry, yelled out, "but Natalie, you didn't answer the question!"
"3-Minute Roast" is a weekly, advertisement-free, opinionated rip on anything that strikes our fancy in the online world.
Max Schlickting - Editor-in-Chief
Barbara Yalpsid - Online Editor
Lefty Periwinkle - First Amendment Expert
Mark Glaser - Unpaid Editorial Intern* If you hate our rantings, send a reply message: "Bill Gates is funny
and you aren't," and we'll discontinue service.
* To see all our back issues, link up to 3MR on the Web at:
http://www.mediawhore.com/3-minute/roastarchive.html
* The material is the exclusive copyright of Comdex Haters Int'l, hoping
to make our world Comdex free by 2010. Feel free to forward this to
three friends or enemies. Some call it a pyramid scheme; we call it
distribution.