3D-TV: Election Night Techsploitation
New York, Atlanta -- The real question on Nov. 5 was surely not
who the "soccer moms" would vote for (or if any of them would take responsibility
for Alexi Lalas' 3-foot goatee). Nor did the electorate care much whether
Bob Dole could get even more crotchety after 96 hours of campaigning and
pencil-pointing. No, most Americans were caught up in the Graphics-a-Go-Go,
the unabashed attempts of 5 TV networks to look "cutting edge" and somehow
keep people tuned in during a boring election.
3MR's channel-flipping experts stayed up late into the night Tuesday,
and here's their bleary-eyed report on network eye candy:
* MSNBC's Blow-Dried Big Brother: MSNBC and NBC seemed one and the same.
Their 3D pie charts and graphs looked awesome, but left you wondering what
you just saw. "Was that the black vote for Clinton, or the females-under-30
for Dole?" More "oohs" and "ahs" than the facts, ma'am. For some reason,
the main outside location was Rockefeller Plaza, outside of NBC, where
a huge videoscreen showed Brokaw over the shoulder of Brian Williams.
Brokaw: "It's kind of weird that I'm over your shoulder Brian, kind
of like Big Brother."
If only Big Bro had such a winning smile, knowing wink, and slightly
tilted head.
Another shining NBC moment: One anchor turned to an MSNBC correspondent
(they know the Internet, right?) and asked who was on the Internet that
night. "Parents, kids, teachers, who?" The correspondent answered: "Everyone."
Was this a sly ploy to get people to msnbc.com or was the network trying
to get a handle on the mysterious Internet? "How many child molesters are
in the forum right now? Any good pyramid schemers tonight? Maybe a horny
software programmer or two?"
MSNBC crammed in updated races and the entire color-coded electoral
map in the bottom margins of the screen. The eye strain foreshadowed our
WebTV future.
* CNN Ticker Mania: Though CNN kept much of its nightly programming like "Larry King Live" and "Crossfire," it had running vote counts on the side and bottom of the screens. Part ESPN score update and financial ticker, these microscopic results somehow made Netscape frames look classy and useful. Not recommended for the semi-blind or those with a Watchman.
* CBS Touch-a-State: Dan Rather didn't get to wax nostalgic this year,
because he was too busy dealing with anchor gadgets. Rather than leave
the graphics work to some techie, Dan himself would poke at a touchscreen
monitor under his desk, touching a certain state to bring up results. It
was hokey, and looked a bit too much like off-track betting machines. Who
did Dan like in the Alabama Senate Daily Double?
Then bland white guy Harry Smith was put into a virtual reality torture
chamber, where he was forced to wave his hands as graphics swirled over
his head. Like a futuristic weatherman, Harry pointed at blank walls, hoping
the tech magic might give his vanilla image a hipster boost.
* ABC's Battlestar Gallactica: ABC spread its reporters around the war-room, trying for a less staged look. Cokie wandered in from the boiler room, and Jeff Greenfield popped his head up from under a desk. Life imitates art: David Brinkley almost recreated the scene from "Network," ranting about Clinton and screaming, "I'm mad as hell, and I'm not going to take George Will's smugness anymore!!"
And the winner is...Silicon Graphics. Their logo was plastered on any
graphic that moved, making people think they actually did all the graphics
work. Instead, it was a nice marketing ploy that gave SGI more screen time
than most of the advertisers. Now if they could just come up with a viable
business plan...
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