Silicon Ranch: Where Buffalo Chips and Microchips Collide

Near Sheridan, Wyoming -- First there was the bustle of Silicon Valley near San Jose. Then came the hustle of Silicon Alley (New York), Silicon Prairie (Austin), and Multimedia Gulch (San Francisco). You'll soon hear of the rustlin' at Silicon Ranch, 50 square miles of prime Wyoming real estate being converted into a high-tech mecca of Web design shops, software startups, and microprocessor production -- all with a small-town Western flair for chaps and cheap beer.

After 3MR researchers spent weeks riding herds through the territory, here's their too-good-to-be-true report on the Next Big Tech Hotbed.

Silicon Ranch Population: about 15,000.

Workforce: Mainly old ranch hands who've been downsized by mega-farms.

Natural Resources Ready to Be Exploited: Clean running water, vast acres of manure, and workers who wouldn't know a stock option from a stock photo.

The Old Businesses: Spear-O-Wigwam Ranch, Little Goose Coop Guest House, the Bozeman Trail Gallery, Bob's Big Boy.

New Businesses:

* Myrtle's Java Shack: Serving up caffeinated beverages to Silicon Ranch's new programming set, and also developing Java apps for PalmPilots so cowboys can see stock tickers while out on the range.

* Hogtied Interactive: Young'uns run this PC game development firm, working on the breakthrough title, CyberLasso, where players hunt down venture capitalists, hogtie them, and make them scream "sooooeeeee!"

* U.S. Army & High-Tech Recruiter Station: Helping to find able-bodied young men and women to defend our country (and Kuwait), as well as literate people who can type, work in chip manufacturing plants, or manage large unruly programmer posses. Enticing bonus: either a new Ford Mustang or an actual mustang.

* @RV: High-speed Net access company that brings super-fast surfing through hubs set up at trailer parks and run through normal electrical lines through the HairDryer(tm) interface. Women with so-called "big hair" can use an attachment on everyday hair dryers to connect to TV set-top boxes at speeds of up to 1MB per second (depending on the dryer's voltage rating).

* MuffiNRG: Biotech lab that converts meadow muffins into Power Bar-style energy booster snacks for hikers, bikers, and those with their taste buds surgically removed.

**********

DeathRace 2000(tm) Contest

Some people have complained that 3MR is too static and uninteractive. Far be it from us to ignore the peanut gallery. So we now unveil the DeathRace 2000 Contest, where you, the reader, can try to predict which of our three favorite ailing online ventures will fail first. Will Slate fail to sell subscriptions? Will HotWired unravel completely? Will Snap! finally snap off? You decide.

Simply send a reply message stating which one will fail first, what date it will happen, and why you think they are the dead ringer. The most grammatically correct and entertaining entries will be included in future Roasts, and the contest winner will be feted as a true Smarty Pants in these very pages (sorry, prize not included).

So think hard and choose among Slate, HotWired and Snap! For handicapping help, check out our special DeathRace 2000 site at: http://www.mediawhore.com/deathrace

"3-Minute Roast" is a weekly, advertisement-free, opinionated rip on anything that strikes our fancy in the online world.

Max Schlickting - Editor-in-Chief
Barbara Yalpsid - Online Editor
Lefty Periwinkle - First Amendment Expert

* If you hate our rantings, send a reply message: "Wyoming will never be a player" and we'll take you off the list.
* To see all our back issues, link up to 3MR on the Web at: http://www.mediawhore.com/3-minute/roastarchive.html
* The material is the exclusive copyright of Buffalo Bill Gates, whose motto is "Where Do You Want To Spit Tobacco Today?"
* Feel free to forward this to three friends or enemies. Some call it email rasslin'; we call it distribution.

---