He's Only Bill, and He's Sitting There on Capitol Hill

or A Computer Industry Panel Actually Listens to Someone's Questions

Washington, DC -- If you didn't catch the five-hours-plus of Senate hearings on competitive practice in the computer industry (meaning: let's lynch Microsoft), you missed some of the most entertaining TV since "When Animals Attack TV Blooper Hosts, Part III." Luckily for you, C-SPAN will be replaying the entire hearing on Sunday at noon EST. Some highlights for those of you who "don't have time":

* Bill Gates squirming, one shoulder bent, one raised up, looking hunchback-like and squeaking the words "exciting," "fantastic," "smart people" and "great products" as senators and panelists ripped him for anti-competitive behavior. As Orrin Hatch asked one pointed question over and over, and Gates kept hemming and hawing, it all became clear why he quit school. Give him credit just for showing up for this very public humiliation.

* Michael Dell, head of Dell Computing and panel-appointed Gates supporter, never answering one question directly. He claimed that Dell sells Netscape products but then Sen. Hatch said that his office called Dell's 800 line five times and asked for Netscape software, but each rep said they didn't have it. One offered a reason: "I think it's because of an agreement with Microsoft." Ouch.

* Jim Barksdale, CEO of Netscape, fitting in perfectly with the senators (a possible second career when Netscape tanks?), cracking jokes and telling VC loudmouth Stewart Alsop to stop "dissing my product. CNET gave us a recommendation and took away Internet Explorer's because of all its crashes." Then he adroitly compared the browser/operating system combo, saying it was "like a houseboat; not a very good house and not a very good boat," and questioned Microsoft's claim that users were demanding it.

* Scott McNealy, head of Sun and big Microsoft detractor, equating MS' spreading dominance with a "growing hairball." After a few great pointed barbs, McNealy then left the panel with a few hours still to go. Huh? He had the national stage in the U.S. Senate to finally attack Microsoft and he had to leave?!? For what, pray tell? It was the biggest letdown since Scottie Pippen refused to enter the end of a Bulls playoff game a few years ago.

* Stewart Alsop, the supposedly "independent voice," now as venture capitalist and industry "commentator." He missed a golden opportunity to question the worker shortage in Silicon Valley, and then said that vaporware wasn't a problem because of the Net. Though he did ding Microsoft here and there, he stood up for Bill more often than not. Being a VC has surely softened his views beyond recognition...

* The sight of all these grandstanding tech know-it-alls having to say "yes, mr. senator so-and-so" and listen intently while Ted Kennedy or Strom Thurmond babbled incoherently (though the latter was much more coherent than the former).

* Sen. Patrick "Wired" Leahy had the brightest moments, first saying he was upset that neither IE nor Navigator had bookmarks for his favorite site, a Grateful Dead site. Later he quipped that 20 years from now, the only remaining committee member would be Thurmond.

* MSNBC titles its online coverage: "Mr. Gates Goes to Washington," somehow equating their multi-billionaire co-owner with the wonderful Mr. Smith Everyman of the movie. Nothing like a good-hearted coddle...aw, shucks.

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