<HEAD> <TITLE>3-Minute Roast Vol.2, No. 6</TITLE> </HEAD> <body bgcolor="#FFFFFF"> <META Name="keywords" Content="humor,satire,high tech humor,venture capitalists, hype,multimedia,multimedia gulch,shovelware,illuminati,Mark Glaser,billions wasted on useless products,cd-rom,kiosk,high risk, vc,v.c.,Kliener-Perkins,Mayfield Fund,rich overeducated MBA, useless overeducated MBA,internet,intranet,humor,satire,fun "> <CENTER> <IMG SRC="doerr.gif" ALT=Any resemblance to a KP partner is strictly coincidental"><BR> <B>3-Minute Rump Roast, Vol. 2, No. 6</B><P> A Stoking of the Chestnuts Roasting on the Open Fire of CyberHell <P> [scientifically tested to take no more than 3 minutes to read, as long as you're not drinking eggnog while reading]<BR><BR> 737 shopping days till the Millennium Bug wipes out humanity!<BR><BR> </CENTER> <BLOCKQUOTE> <B> Intel Takes Control of the Media(dome) </B><P> In a backroom deal that will probably make CNET's bottom line look better (or at least stem the losses), Intel is set to announce that it has bought out Mediadome from CNET, its former partner in the site. Intel already owns a chunk of CNET, so the deal is probably more finesse than anything. The handful of CNET staffers who worked on the site will be moved to the infamous "other projects" (hope they're not planning on launching CNET Alaska). <BR> What is Mediadome? A lame excuse to showcase Intel multimedia technology to view live events, concerts, Rolling Stones press conferences, etc. Intel rightly sees the music business as ripe for suckering into buying expensive videoconferencing and Webcasting technology so that the good folks at home can watch concerts from their computer with jerky video in tiny frames and mono audio that cuts out every couple minutes. Oh joy.<BR> So soon Mediadome will be completely in the hands of Intel. And Intel CEO Andy Grove is now Time's Man of the Year. It's been a ridiculously successful PR year for Intel, while partner-in-monopolizing-crime Microsoft has been slapped around like a Golden State Warriors coach.<BR> So what can we expect from the new all-Intel Mediadome?<P> * A live Webcast of "Andy Grove Superstar," the hit Broadway musical based on a nice Jewish boy who finds salvation in a microchip, and becomes part of high-tech's unholy Trinity, with Bill Gates playing God and Larry Ellison as the unHoly Spirit.<P> * A new "Webisode" called "Priscilla, Queen of the Chemical Fumes," follows the hilarious hi-jinks of the space-suited Pentium dancers, as they go on the road in the Australian outback. They dance to classic '70s disco tunes, ride around in a cool van, and tackle big issues like when one dancer gets cancer when her leaky spacesuit lets in deadly chemical gases used to make Pentium chips. You'll laugh, you'll cry -- but always to a funky beat.<P> * Full coverage of the Rock n' Roll Hall of Fame inductions, with Intel co-founder Gordon Moore jamming onstage with Les Paul.<P> * A Webcast of the London Symphony Orchestra playing an exhilarating one-hour performance of an extended version of the "Intel Inside" jingle, specially composed by former Beatle Ringo Starr.<P> * An interactive "High-Tech Monopoly" game, where you take the role of Chip Mongerer, Operating System Hoarder, Java Tyrant, or Browser Baron and decide whether to ally with other monopolists or call in the Department of Justice. Fun for the whole family.<P> <CENTER>**********</CENTER><P> DeathRace 2000(tm)<P> [Each week, we'll highlight the lowlights among three online ventures that are struggling: Slate, HotWired, and Snap!]<P> Snap! Finally Gets into the Holiday Spirit...Kind Of<P> CNET backed down and decided not to charge $45 for spouses and significant others who attended the company's Holiday Party. This came after negative coverage that extended from the San Francisco Chronicle to ABCNews.com.<BR> The company is making up for the loss of income by having staffers fill out special forms if they take more than an hour for lunch, apparently to dock their pay for the time off. Potential employees are probably beating down the doors to work there.<P> </BLOCKQUOTE> <CENTER>*********</CENTER> <BLOCKQUOTE><P> "3-Minute Roast" is a weekly, advertisement-free, opinionated rip on anything that strikes our fancy in the online world. <P>Max Schlickting - Editor-in-Chief <BR>Barbara Yalpsid - Online Editor <BR>Lefty Periwinkle - First Amendment Expert <P> * If you hate our rantings, send a reply message: "Quit pissing in my eggnog" and we'll discontinue service.<BR> * To see all our back issues, link up to 3MR on the Web at:<BR> http://www.mediawhore.com/3-minute/roastarchive.html<BR> * The material is the exclusive copyright of Intel Outsiders, hipsters who use lead an<BR> alternative microprocessor lifestyle.<BR> * Feel free to forward this to three friends or enemies. Some<BR> call it a pyramid scheme; we call it distribution.<BR> <CENTER> <HR WIDTH="100%"></CENTER> </BLOCKQUOTE> <CENTER>This e-newsletter is copyright 1997 Mark Glaser</CENTER> <P> <CENTER>If you have comments or suggestions, email <I><A HREF="mailto:glaze@sprintmail.com">glaze@sprintmail.com</A></I></CENTER> <CENTER> </CENTER> <CENTER> <HR WIDTH="100%"></CENTER> <BR><BR> <CENTER> Back to 3-Minute Roast Archives <A HREF="roastarchive2.html">Volume 2</A> <P> Back to 3-Minute Roast Archives <A HREF="roastarchive.html">Volume 1</A> </CENTER> <BR><BR></BLOCKQUOTE>