<HEAD> <TITLE>3-Minute Roast Vol.2, No. 8</TITLE> </HEAD> <body bgcolor="#FFFFFF"> <META Name="keywords" Content="humor,satire,high tech humor,venture capitalists, hype,multimedia,multimedia gulch,shovelware,illuminati,Mark Glaser,billions wasted on useless products,cd-rom,kiosk,high risk, vc,v.c.,Kliener-Perkins,Mayfield Fund,rich overeducated MBA, useless overeducated MBA,internet,intranet,humor,satire,fun "> <CENTER> <IMG SRC="doerr.gif" ALT=Any resemblance to a KP partner is strictly coincidental"><BR> <B>3-Minute Roast, Vol. 2, No. 8</B><P> A Poke in the Eye of the Online/Multimedia Industrial Complex<P> [scientifically tested to take no more than 3 minutes to read, unless you're waiting for a print version to come to your mailbox] <BR><BR> FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE<P> </CENTER> <BLOCKQUOTE> <B> Highly Lauded, Barely Read Magazine Covering the Web Ceases Publication </B><P> SAN FRANCISCO, CA, JANUARY 8, 1998 -- Web Illustrated, a monthly magazine that broke the mold of Net print magazines by using state-of-the-art 8-color screen shots, has suspended publication. The glossy coffee-table mag, co-produced by 3-Minute Roast Publications (NASDAQ: POKE) and Kramerica Industries (NASDAQ: GIDYUP), won numerous design and engineering awards, but failed to garner enough advertiser or reader interest beyond one fan saying, "it lasted two more weeks lining my bird cage than the average Internet zine."<BR> Although the announcement was abrupt, it was not much of a surprise to Web Illustrated (or WI) Editor-in-Chief Lefty Periwinkle. "After the recent failures of magazines like NetGuide, The Net, Websight, Internet Underground, Web Week, and The Web, we thought we had a chance to monopolize the market for print guides to the Net. No one told us there were guides online like Yahoo!, Lycos Point and alt.culture."<BR> Two years ago when the Internet media hype hit a fever pitch, publishers were falling all over themselves to start up new magazines. As most of them have failed, we are now asking ourselves questions: Were there too many magazines? Too much hype? Is it easier to read about sites while being online? If a Web magazine fails in the woods, will anyone hear it?<BR> WI (pronounced "why," as in why did we start this darned thing?) won numerous awards in its 14 months: Best Photographic Magazine that Never Did a "Day in the Life..." Photo Essay; Highest Editorial vs. Advertising Page Count in a Newsstand Magazine; Best Online Pamela Lee Uncoverage; Most Innovative Design (for our special "fingerprint-free" issue that operated by remote control).<BR> WI will relaunch with laid-off employees from CNET and Wired in a few months, and the online presence and planned WebIll Awards ceremony will go on. 3MR Editor Max Schlickting praised the bravery and stamina of the WI staff, singling out world-class photographers who had to deal with discarding hundreds of shots due to the glare of computer monitors. "In movies, they make it look easy with special monitors; we have to tilt at different angles to get a perfect shot."<BR> 3MR and Kramerica expect WI to come back better than ever in its next incarnation, exploiting the coming digital convergence of coffee-table books, the Internet, artsy photos, the Web, and high-gloss soft-porn.<P> Based in San Francisco, 3-Minute Roast Publications is the leading worldwide distributor of bleeding-edge babble that makes no sense.<P> Based in New York City, Kramerica Industries is the leading worldwide coffee-table book publisher, with a full line of perfumes and pizza shops.<P> <CENTER>**********</CENTER><P> DeathRace 2000(tm)<P> [Each week, we'll highlight the lowlights among three online ventures that are struggling: Slate, HotWired, and Snap!]<P> [follow the race online: http://www.mediawhore.com/deathrace]<P> The Rise and Fall of Snap!<P> The Winter of Discontent at Snap! Online takes a hiatus as the Washington Post gives the service a positive review: "[Snap!'s] tour actually proved to be the best what-is-the-Web-and-how-do-I-use-it tutorial I've seen....This is the perfect teaching tool for total Web neophytes."<P> The hiatus ended as news came in that Snap! traffic has been so bad they've had to extend their original 3-month advertisers' displays an extra two months to deliver the contracted number of impressions, or eyeballs. Basically, its taking them 5 months to hit 3-month numbers. Plus, Robin Wolaner, a new VP at CNET, told the staff that she's the first adult at CNET (unintentionally making Richard Hart feel like a kid again). She told the staff that Snap! has five months to get profitable or get axed.<P> May we suggest a Ground Hog Day party? If Halsey Minor sees his shadow, there'll be six more months of Snap! An executive dunking booth could help raise needed funds, too. <P> </BLOCKQUOTE> <CENTER>*********</CENTER> <BLOCKQUOTE><P> "3-Minute Roast" is a weekly, advertisement-free, opinionated rip on anything that strikes our fancy in the online world. <P>Max Schlickting - Editor-in-Chief <BR>Barbara Yalpsid - Online Editor <BR>Lefty Periwinkle - First Amendment Expert <P> * If you hate our rantings, send a reply message: "All magazines with the words 'Web' or 'Net' are cool, but you aren't" and we'll discontinue service.<BR> * To see all our back issues, link up to 3MR on the Web at:<BR> http://www.mediawhore.com/3-minute/roastarchive.html<BR> * The material is the exclusive copyright of TrendyMags, an organization promoting obsolete mags like "8-Track Aficionado" and "Tony Danza Unbound."<BR> * Feel free to forward this to three friends or enemies. Some<BR> call it a pyramid scheme; we call it distribution.<BR> <CENTER> <HR WIDTH="100%"></CENTER> </BLOCKQUOTE> <CENTER>This e-newsletter is copyright 1997 Mark Glaser</CENTER> <P> <CENTER>If you have comments or suggestions, email <I><A HREF="mailto:glaze@sprintmail.com">glaze@sprintmail.com</A></I></CENTER> <CENTER> </CENTER> <CENTER> <HR WIDTH="100%"></CENTER> <BR><BR> <CENTER> Back to 3-Minute Roast Archives <A HREF="roastarchive2.html">Volume 2</A> <P> Back to 3-Minute Roast Archives <A HREF="roastarchive.html">Volume 1</A> </CENTER> <BR><BR></BLOCKQUOTE>