Any resemblance to a kp partner is strictly coincidental
3-Minute Roast, Vol. 3, No. 5
Torching Techies Since March 1996(tm)

A Poke in the Eye of the Online/Multimedia Industrial Complex

[scientifically tested to take no longer than 3 minutes to read, feel "pharklempt," and dry your tears on your supercomputer]

Forget Food -- SGI Airlifts Processing Power to Kosovo Refugees

Somewhere in Macedonia -- Your family was killed by the Serbs. You've had to flee in the night from your country. You lie huddled in tents with other refugees, living in squalor in a war zone. Thank God they just brought in a shipment of SGI high-performance servers. Now you can help render special effects for the next "Jurassic Park" flick, or host that SlobodanSucks.com Web site.

Is this some kind of cruel joke? No, it's just Silicon Valley looking for a new angle to hype. Not surprisingly, they just don't get it when it comes to events outside their cubicles. SGI, the maker of high-end graphics machines, sent out a press release touting its "high-tech aid" for Kosovar refugees today. It's nice that they wanted to help, but did they have to turn their charity into a full-blown commercial? Here are some salient excerpts from the release, and 3MR's patented saucy retorts:

"SGI (NYSE:SGI) today announced that it is donating computing systems and software to help address the humanitarian and information needs of Kosovar refugees.  According to U.S. Information Agency (USIA) officials, the video and audio capabilities of SGI systems will allow the refugees to get news and information in their native language through real-time, interactive media technology."

3MR Retorts: Thanks for the stock ticker. That must mean that investing in SGI is like giving to charity, huh? It is nice that SGI is giving them access to news, but how many refugees have been screaming "I have information needs! And it better be with real-time, interactive technology!" There's nothing worse than low-tech refugees who want to read a paper or watch TV.

"Objective and reliable information and the ability to communicate freely are essential elements of society," said Jonathan Spalter, associate director and chief information officer, USIA Information Bureau. "SGI's donation is helping give Kosovar refugees the tools they need to 'virtually' rebuild and reunite their fractured communities. USIA is proud to be a partner with SGI in this innovative relief effort."

3MR Retorts: Just FYI, Jonathan -- other essential elements of society include having an actual home and country to live in, some food to eat, perhaps a little human dignity. To say these computers will help them "virtually" rebuild is like saying their life is back to normal because they'll be able to check out a 3-D animation of their destroyed village. USIA is also proud that its workers will have an SGI on every desk, and be able to play computer games at lightning speed.

"According to USIA, SGI's new Silicon Graphics 320 visual workstations, SGI Origin 200 servers and SGI MediaBase software will allow the refugees to access independent, objective information about the situation in Kosovo; communicate among separated refugee populations in Europe and the United States; use e-mail and other information technology tools; and download Albanian language bulletins providing regular news and information updates aimed specifically at refugee communities."

3MR Retorts: That's like saying mom needs to take a space shuttle to go the neighborhood 7-Eleven. When did SGI workstations become the gateway to "independent, objective information"? Is the implication that SGI has a team of editors on loan from Brills Content deciding what's objective on the Web? And why are "Albanian language bulletins" any more objective than one in Icelandic?

"SGI is a market leader in technical computing, offering the world's most powerful servers, supercomputers and visual workstations. SGI uniquely provides a broad range of high-performance computing and advanced graphics solutions that enable customers to understand and conquer their toughest computing problems. Headquartered in Mountain View, Calif., with offices worldwide, the company is located on the Web at www.sgi.com."

3MR Retorts: So what you're saying is that this news release and relief effort was basically a way to boost your company's image, and maybe make a few sales to boot. Doesn't this blurb point out the utter lack of context SGI has? "Solutions that enable customers to understand and conquer their toughest computing problems" -- as if suffering, starving Kosovars are in dire need for their computing problems to be solved. "Honey, bread and water are nice, but give me the processing power to render 3-D animations in 2.5 seconds!"

Get a clue, SGI. Next time you want to help, send along food or money to rebuild villages -- and keep the press releases to yourself.

********

"3-Minute Roast" is a semi-irregular opinionated rip on anything that strikes our fancy in the online world.

Max Schlickting - Editor-in-Chief
Barbara Yalpsid - Online Editor
Lefty Periwinkle - First Amendment Expert

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This e-newsletter is copyright 1999 Mark Glaser
 
 

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