MONDAY

Who is really going to decide this next presidential election? Awhile back it was the Ayatollah Khomeini who, from thousands of miles away, played a big part in bringing the Carter administration down. Then it was a combination of Ross Perot and Saddam Hussein, (an unholy alliance of megalomaniacs if there ever was one), that saw Bush's last days in office. Well Saddam's back and Slick Willy's playing his tune. As long as American memories are only about two weeks long, foreign (and domestic) despots can call the shots.



TUESDAY

When my parents, (in their seventies and eighties), come back from a trip they spend the first two days complaining about the accommodations, the food, the schedule, the transportation, what have you. Then the pictures come back. Suddenly each rest stop, each tourist trap was a Kodak Moment and all bad memories fade. "Oh look, here's where you had your intestinal problems. . . look at that sunset!" Pictures are a wonderful thing. (I'll look at vacation snapshots as long as I'm in them, otherwise forget it.)



WEDNESDAY

I cannot think of a thing any woman could do to or for me that might be worth two hundred dollars an hour. Perhaps I'm just really cheap, or a prude, or I just don't know the right women. Whatever it is I could find better things to do with that money than sing the Popeye theme song on all fours while being whipped by a "professional" sex therapist. Think of all the people I could help with that money. Uh huh. Power corrupts absolutely.



THURSDAY

Whether you're National Public Radio, which prefers the phrase "Guest Worker," or Pete Wilson who prefers the phrase, "Illegal Alien," (and is trying to punt the poor souls through a political goal post), there is one thing for certain. If you live in San Diego you will have a completely different view of illegal immigration than if you live in Wisconsin. You can't blame people for wanting a better life, and you can't blame people for wanting to protect what they've built- so morally at least, it's a classic Mexican standoff.



FRIDAY

After a round of golf with her boyfriend, my niece asked me why men take sports so seriously-- after all, it's only a game. I told her to take a look at an evolutionary time line. We are but a finger snap and an Armani suit away from neanderthals. So when a man misses a put, he is really missing a clean spear shot at a wild bore which would have been his cave family's dinner. Besides, these days, a decent set of spears will set you back a couple grand.