MONDAY

GQ Magazine recently announced that ponytails are now out of style. Just like that. Well, I wear a ponytail and I'm shocked. Shocked . What will I ever do with all these rubber bands? It got me thinking about the young kids getting tattooed all over their bodies. Sure it looks great at a Phish concert--this year. But what if GQ Magazine suddenly announces your purple arm is passe'? I imagine the slackers would have the same reaction I did when I heard the news about the ponytails. GQ Magazine? As if.

TUESDAY

Has your deity of choice spoken to you lately? Hmmmmm? Well perhaps you just aren't trying hard enough. It's never been easier to get religion. Get ordained today and open a direct connection to The Boss. Hey, it worked for a washed-up science fiction writer, why not you? Think of it: marry anyone you want, just for laughs! Stop paying those annoying taxes. Hold bingo games in your garage! Scare small children and minds with tales of fire and brimstone! Hey this is big time fun folks, and bless you.

WEDNESDAY

Why are we arguing about a home office deduction? it makes so much sense. Working at home eliminates the commute and saves the space and resources needed to trap me comfortably in a cubicle under flourescent lights all day. It saves on everything from gas and electricity to bad coffee. So why does your government make it difficult to claim this environmentally friendly deduction? Because they assume you will use it as a loophole to cheat the I.R.S. Frankly, I'm growing weary of my own government considering me dishonest first, then making me pay a CPA to prove I'm not.

THURSDAY

I forgot how it came up, but we were discussing the possibilities of sex in zero gravity, and the apparent lack of public data on this important subject. I had heard long ago, from a fellow who worked at JPL, that a man may not be able to, er, "deploy" in outer space. (If this is the case, then Houston we have a problem.) Knowing that somewhere on the Web this pressing issue would be addressed, I found a New England Sunday school teacher has been working on the problem. Thank God. She even got a patent for her invention! Talk about divine inspiration. Ride, Sally Ride!

FRIDAY & WEEKEND

Africa has its oral traditions, we have our camp fire ghost stories and now the computer age is beginning to shape a whole new way to collect and display personal remembrances. No more hauling out the dreaded slide projector and putting up a screen in the darkened living room. Now the family can gather around the glow of a computer monitor and see their home made multimedia creations come to life. With a wealth of video editing and image manipulation tools available, anyone who can boot up can build their own digital memories.