Mayday. Mayday. Angry white males have lost their minds.

As immigrants and their supporters gathered for peaceable May Day assemblies, talk show host Peter Boyles repeatedly played an adulterated version of our national anthem on Clear Channel's KHOW. I grew angrier each time it played.

Written and performed by Boulder's own Don Wrege, "José Can't You See?" parodies the opening lyrics of the "The Star-Spangled Banner"—"Oh Say Can You See?" It goes:

"José can't you see, you are in my country?/Your I.D. is a fake, and you're here illegally/You have broken our laws, while you call it your cause/Sanctuary will end, and employers will be fined/You have broken our rules, ruined hospitals and schools/You pull wages down, as you play us for fools/Go home in your beaten-up uninsured mini vaa-aan/Be careful with demands, you're illegal aliens."

I have friends who are Mexicans. Most drive battered minivans, and two of them are named José. I was pissed.

Wrege's the genius who wrote 12 songs—several of which found large worldwide audiences—parodying the tragic JonBenet Ramsey debacle. He wrote the hilarious song "Counterfeit Indian" within days of reports that said Ward Churchill—the self-anointed professional Indian—isn't Indian.

Wrege—a long-haired Boulder eccentric—is a conservative. What kind of a conservative, I needed to know, would screw with "The Star-Spangled Banner?" What conservative would insult immigrants who fled socialist poverty to provide us with a much-needed labor force—people improving our culture with the reintroduction of old-fashioned, God-fearing, life-respecting family values? I called Don to ask him:

"Hi, Don, this is Wayne from Boulder Weekly. How are you today?"

"Good, Wayne, I really like your columns."

"Thanks. I like most of your music. The 'Counterfeit Indian' song was hysterical."

"Thanks."

"There's an issue we obviously disagree upon. It's the immigration thing."

I told Don that free economic forces—the true law of the land—have invited immigrants across the border and paid them good money to solve our problems. I told Don the free economy does this for the same reason the socialist French government allows masses of Muslim immigrants to live and work in France: Baby boomers decided to contracept and abort much of the subsequent generation, causing a labor shortage. I explained that one retiree's pension or social security entitlement requires the sweat of two or more young workers. I reminded Don that for this reason alone, France pays women cash to have babies and the United States gives women massive tax breaks to reproduce.

Having failed to create a labor pool adequate to support them, I explained, baby boomers should be thankful that immigrants are willing to work for pay that's usually only twice our country's minimum wage.

Don broke in: "There's definitely a problem in that the whites aren't reproducing. I don't have a child. I'm 52 years old, and I just didn't want the hassle. This is a huge problem for the future. I understand the need for an influx of some population. But I guess where I come from is that I spent 13 years in Los Angeles. I went there in '76, and by the time I left in '89 it had really turned the corner into a snot mold.

"My liberal friends in Boulder say, 'Why don't you go attack the Wells Fargos, the First Datas, the Home Depots of the world—the corporate forces that are encouraging the influx of this workforce.' I thought that was a good idea, so the next song is called 'I Hire Illegals,' done to the tune of 'The Macarena.'"

Boulder liberals make great friends, Don, but let's not forget that they're silly, ignorant and naïve. Example: "Corporate forces are encouraging the influx of this workforce." Now that's ignorant. Corporate forces cause little in this country—a place where rules and mores are determined minute-by-minute by millions of consumers casting votes with every dollar spent. Consumers—people like Peter Boyles, Don Wrege and his liberal friends—determine what corporations do. Corporations survive only when they respond quickly and appropriately to the demands of consumers. Do people build homes because Home Depot sells lumber, or does Home Depot sell lumber because people need homes? Do Home Depot executives lower prices because they enjoy managing razor-thin margins, or do they lower prices at the demand of consumers? Does Home Depot employ tens of thousands of workers because it enjoys managing them, or because consumers need them to ring up sales and deliver building materials? Duh.

Wrege explained that he was inspired to write "José Can't You See?" while listening to talk radio Friday afternoon, as talk show lawyers Dan Caplis and Craig Silverman discussed a Spanish-language translation of "The Star-Spangled Banner."

"I know there are a lot of angry white men, such as myself, who are looking at this immigration march and saying, 'Christ, we have chaos in the streets, our leaders are hiding under their desks.' It's this, 'What's happening to my country?' anger as they drive to their day jobs. That's what inspired the song. It was done in the spirit of, 'Man, if you're going to mess with my national anthem that's one step too far.'"

"Why are so many white men angry?" I asked.

"It's the feeling of powerlessness. My only power as a citizen is through my elected representatives, and if they are not acting on the laws of the country they are inviting chaos. It's this feeling of hopelessness and powerlessness that causes anger. I pay my taxes. I always have."

And there's the crux. Like all middle-class wage earners, Wrege's a tax slave who loses nearly half his earnings to government. Slaves are naturally angry. Tax slaves are so burdened by obligations to government that they truly believe their only power rests in elected representatives—people inclined to ignore them. In truth, votes and communiqués with politicians are the least of a tax slave's power. The slave exerts far more influence with one major purchase at Home Depot.

It's the economy, stupid. That's why José came to America. We paid him to come here because we need him and American dollars can buy anything—including the blood, sweat and tears of a man. Our de facto immigration policy isn't about José and his needs. That's the last thing it would be about in this bastion of self-absorption. It's about our needs and desires—and José's ability to placate them for a price.

The economics of self-preservation, security and comfort are the very reason we didn't produce our own adequate labor force. Tax slaves like Wrege—feeling robbed of take-home pay—have long feared the prospect of children.

"I feared bringing a child into the world without being able to assure that child a solid financial future, and I've never been financially secure," said Wrege, a well-educated, hard-working professional.

It's an understandable fear shared by throngs of like-minded tax slaves—people brought up in a consumerist society that judges a man entirely by his wealth. That fear—coupled with selfishness—gave boomers a birth dearth, which gave them a labor shortage, which gave them José. Born to a family that felt no obligation to pave his financial future, José knows how to work. Thus, José generates wealth for a culture of consumers living in fear. In return, he's degraded for his minivan and asked to leave this land of the free—this home of the brave. Mayday. Mayday.

Respond: letters@boulderweekly.com

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